My mind is full of things and if I get them out I can sleep even better right? I have something that is occupying my mind right now. I just found out my best friend who is getting married is moving out of state in the next 3wks and I'm a little shell shocked. I knew it was happening, it's just...it's happening! I figured it would be after the wedding but it is before so I have even less time then I thought before she moves. I'll miss her terribly and not seeing her every week is going to be really hard. We talk everyday, but the thought of not being able to go and see her, or her showing up at my door just because to lend a helping hand, or having a girls night with her on a whim is an adjustment. We are both always there for each other and will drop anything to help the other even if it is taking the other out when we need to get away, or watching each other's kids for some alone time with the men in our lives. We've been through so much together and we've helped each other through some really tough times. She has been so helpful to me and my family and we have a special place for her in our hearts. My kids love her and call her aunt because she is like a sister to me and were shocked to learn that her boys are not technically their cousins :) - Katija has expressed her feelings about the move, "It's not going to be the same". Even though our hearts are hurting I'm so happy for her, she deserves this happiness, she's been through so much...it's time for her piece of the pie. I know this is what she is suppose to do and this will bring her happiness; I wouldn't be able to cope if I didn't know this. I'm excited for her to experience this change, happy for the family they will be uniting, and want her to know I send her off with all my love and support. I wish her the best of luck with everything that is coming and can't wait to watch this new story unfold. If only you all could know her as I do. Your lives would be blessed and changed for the better, forever, the way mine has. I'm in awe of her kindness, and aim for her patience; she has truly been an angel sent to me from above. I know the Lord uses others as intruments to answer people's prayers and she has always been an answer to mine. Please know I love you Steph and when you leave I'll be counting the days before I see you again! Enjoy this, you deserve it!
As I mentioned the girls started school, well Katija and Leah at the moment - Natalie will start Kindergarten on Tues August 5th. That's right 3 in school...I don't know the last time I had only two children at home? How will that be? If I can find a preschool for Eliza, I haven't decided, it will be just me and my little man CADEN!! We could take a full nap with no interruptions - I feel giddy all the sudden. Okay all joking aside, I can't believe how much our children have grown. I can't believe that my babies are all technically not babies anymore. Katija is 9, Leah is 7, Natalie is 5, Eliza is 3, and Caden our little man is now ONE! When did all this happen, they're suppose to stay small, innocent, and not able to talk back right :)? As our girls get older I can't believe the big girls and wonderful young ladies they are becoming. With Caden I can't believe he is one years old and all the developmental milestones he's reached; he is becoming a little boy right before our eyes, it's amazing - I just wish he'd slow it down a bit :). I remember each of the girls pregnancies and births - how surreal it was to see them for the first time. With Caden just turning one my mind reflects on his journey, the process that brought us to adoption and ultimately to Caden. I remember the first time we saw Caden and brought him home. I will never forget how he lit up when he saw us; we've been told he had never lit up like that until he saw us for the first time. I remember my heart was racing, it had been a long day. The Holy Ghost had been so strong that day, I feel as though it had followed me all day long. The Holy Ghost was there that day - I know it, this is how I knew our forever friend would pick Chad and I to be Caden's parents. Three hours after that witness our agency called to tell us she DID pick us and we had a son waiting to meet us later that night. As we walked into the house there to greet us were smiling faces, when our forever friend walked around the couch holding this beautiful little baby boy and handed him right to me. You're never prepared to see them for the first time, you try to picture how they will look, but you can't - it's all in slow motion and like a dream. We were strangers really, but he responded to us as if he knew us and had seen us a million times. I of course was eying him, silently counting his fingers and toes, checking him up and down praying he was healthy and to my relief he was perfectly healthy in every way - it was no surprise given the wonderful care he had been given by our forever friend. I was taken by his eyes, they sparkled when he smiled and they seemed to glow; there was something familiar about this little one I held in my arms. I could tell he knew his Dad right away; Chad had him giggling in seconds and Caden couldn't keep his eyes off of him or stop smiling. When I saw the way Chad looked at him, I knew this was his boy! I had seen that look before, it is how Chad looks at our daughters and this was no different. I was comforted by the instant connection both Chad and I had for him and he with us. I held him in my arms in awe of how we were even here and the miracle after miracle that brought us to Him and an amazing forever friend who did for us the most selfless of all things...she gave us a piece of her heart. As soon as I saw his chubby hand with the crease at his wrist and the chubby forearm that followed I knew this was the little boy waiting to join our family. I had seen that hand before in an almost out of body experience. The day Caden was sealed to us I saw that image once again...the chubby hand with the crease at the wrist and the chubby arm that followed was on his Daddy's shoulder as they walked in front of me into the Temple. I will never forget the image of his hand with the crease at the wrist, it's forever burned to memory - it's this that made me start looking for our son. I'm still in awe when I look at him, I see our forever friend in Caden's smile. Funny enough I see myself in the color of Caden's eyes, his pasty white skin, his love and recognition of music and tools, and my father's same build; I see Chad in the shape of his eyes, the profile of his nose, his instant need for a nap and his goof ball sense of humor. He is a part of all of us, meant for our family and part of all our earthly missions we agreed to before this life. Each of us has learned something from this experience and we are better people because of it - I'm grateful to be a part of it. My heart is filled with indescribable joy when Caden notices me in the corner of his eye and instantly cries for me because he wants his mommy; then lays his head on my chest to be close to me. I love to see the look on Caden's face and hear the sounds he makes when he sees or even hears his sisters coming; he looks for them when I say their names and lights up when he finds them. I love the look on the girls faces when they try to make him laugh and even more when they succeed; he has so much of them in him - he is a part of them too and I can't imagine our life without every single one of them. I loved holding the girls for the first time and now that they're older, I love the times they slow down enough to snuggle with me - what a magical experience. I know I didn't give birth to Caden, I didn't get to feel him move inside of me; I thank our forever friend for doing that for us, words could never describe our gratitude. I feel I've known Caden long before his birth, he has been a part of my heart for so long. When I hold him close to me my body and soul ache in witness - because now...I can finally hold him in the flesh.
8 years ago
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